IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD
Cast List
That Guy – 20s-30s, casual dress
That Guy’s Head*
Mystery Girl – 20s-30s in sweat outfit, hair in pigtails
Mystery Girl’s Head*
Barrista – Male or Female, wearing an apron - wardrobe should reflect the job
Female Customer – 20s-30s, upscale casual dress, perfect makeup and hair
Male Customer – 20s-30s, upscale casual dress, perfect hair, taller than “That Guy”
*The “Head” roles can be pre-recorded by the actors playing the characters or can be spoken live by another actor off stage (but able to view the action on stage.)
SETTING: COFFEE SHOP - THERE IS A SMALL SERVICE COUNTER UPSTAGE RIGHT. 3 SMALL TABLES ARE DOWNSTAGE. THE CENTER TABLE HAS 2 CHAIRS, THE SIDE TABLES HAVE 1 CHAIR.
(During Lights Up and while the following action is taking place; “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” by The Darkness will be playing.)
(That Guy is typing on his laptop at the stage left table - no headphones. He’s sitting fairly still but occasionally drinks from his coffee cup. He has a good view of the counter. Mystery Girl enters stage right and goes to the counter to place her order with the Barrista. The order process is mimed by both parties. No adlib words are spoken.)
THAT GUY’S HEAD
(The song volume lowers. That Guy continues with his typing.)
Ahhh! Song, get out of my head!
(The song volume resumes to normal. That Guy takes a break and stretches his arms and fingers. He looks over to the counter. The song abruptly stops.)
Mystery Girl. Long time no see.
(The song starts again. That Guy gives a look of disgust. Mystery Girl finishes her transaction and begins to turn from the counter with coffee cup and brownie in hand, newspaper tucked under her arm. The Barrista finds busy work around the counter. That Guy quickly resumes typing, sneaking peaks at Mystery Girl.)
Looking rather sporty today. Diggin’ the pigtails.
(Mystery Girl takes a seat at the stage left table. The song starts to fade out. She pulls the Classified section out of the newspaper and starts looking through it sipping her coffee.)
MYSTERY GIRL’S HEAD
Looking for apartments. Apartments, apartments...apartments! Now to find the cheap apartments.
(Mystery Girl’s eyes wander from the paper to the brownie.)
Okay, Brownie Time!
(Mystery Girl begins to unwrap the cellophaned brownie carefully.)
Come here, my delectable brownie. Destroyer of productive workouts. Let me partake in your chocolatey goodness!
(Mystery Girl takes a huge bite of brownie and is the picture of bliss as she chews. She continues to hold on to the brownie preparing for the next bite. This is her moment of Zen.)
MMmmmm! Brownie...
(Mystery Girl’s eyes land on That Guy.)
Oh, Hell! It’s That Guy! Damn. And he saw me stuffing my face with this.
THAT GUY’S HEAD
That brownie looks really good. I wonder if I have enough change to get one.
(That Guy begins digging in his pockets. Mystery Girl puts the brownie back on the table and looks down at herself, checking for crumbs.)
MYSTERY GIRL’S HEAD
I knew I should have changed after going to the gym. And my hair...just call me Pippy! Maybe he didn’t see me. What am I thinking? Even if he did see me, he doesn’t know me. Why am I worrying?
(Mystery Girl picks up the Classifieds again. That Guy is still looking for change, then suddenly freezes.)
THAT GUY’S HEAD
Hey! That song is gone!
(The song starts again.)
Nooooooo! Why did I think about it?!?!
(That Guy continues his search.)
Change. Looking for change. How much are brownies anyway?
(That Guy looks towards the counter at the menu sign.)
$1.95? For a brownie?
(That Guy looks across to Mystery Girl’s table again. The song fades out during the following dialogue.)
It does look good. Although she hasn’t touched it since that first bite. Maybe I could ask her if it was good or not. No. Then she’d know I’ve been watching her. I’d be “That Creepy Guy”. I’ll just see how much money I have first.
(That Guy begins adding up his change. Mystery Girl peeks around her newspaper to see if That Guy is looking. She decides to sneak another bite of her brownie. This time her bite will be a little more conservative. That Guy scrapes the change off the table and into his hand. He looks at Mystery Girl right when she begins to bite down on the brownie.)
MYSTERY GIRL’S HEAD
Grrrr-aaate! I KNOW he saw me this time. No turning back now. Own that bite of brownie. Savor it. Mmmmm.... Oh, what am you doing? Pick up the newspaper and use it as a shield from your gluttony!
(Mystery Girl puts down the brownie and picks up the newspaper again. That Guy smiles to himself.)
THAT GUY’S HEAD
Nope, nothing wrong with the brownie. And I’ve got just enough change to enjoy one myself.
(That Guy stands up and heads toward the counter. Mystery Girl’s ears perk up.)
MYSTERY GIRL’S HEAD
I heard movement. Oh my gosh. Don’t tell me he’s coming over here. I probably have brownie in my teeth!
(Mystery Girl takes a drink of coffee and swishes it around like mouthwash. Her face reacts to the hot beverage swishing.)
Ow. Not the smartest idea. But hopefully I’m brownie teeth free. Okay, That Guy, I’m ready.
(Mystery Girl peeks over her newspaper to see That Guy at the counter. She puts her paper down in disgust and grabs the brownie.)
I’m an idiot.
(She takes a bite. That Guy has his back to her. She watches him openly and rests her chin on her hand as she continues to chew.)
He’s got a nice ass. Listen to me! I should be thinking…what kind of personality does he have to go with that ass? He probably IS an ass.
(Mystery Girl laughs out loud at her thought. She realizes it was out loud and in embarrassment covers her mouth.)
THAT GUY’S HEAD
I wonder what she’s laughing at. Is she laughing at me? No, she wouldn’t do that. Just in case, maybe I’ll just smile back and be “in” on the joke.
(That Guy smiles at Mystery Girl. She weakly smiles back and then tries to “busy” herself with her newspaper.)
MYSTERY GIRL’S HEAD
Did he just SMILE at me?!?! I think he did. Didn’t seem totally natural though. It was kind of strained, like “Maybe if I smile at her, the crazy lady who laughs at herself won’t stab me.” This REALLY isn’t going well.
(Mystery Girl dares to look towards That Guy again. A Female customer enters the coffee shop and gets in line. That Guy finishes his transaction and turns around with brownie in hand.)
MYSTERY GIRL’S HEAD
Of course. Let someone actually dressed decent with nice hair come walking in. THANKS A LOT! Look at him. There’s no getting his attention now.
(That Guy nods a “Hi” and smiles at the female.)
THAT GUY’S HEAD
Get out of my way lady, I have a brownie to eat.
(That Guy continues to his table.)
MYSTERY GIRL’S HEAD
Okay, maybe I’m overreacting. I’m sure he has no interest in her.
(That Guy quickly unwraps the brownie. Mystery Girl still looks at him openly, forgetting that he can actually see her now.)
THAT GUY’S HEAD
(The following should be said like Homer Simpson when he’s about to eat a favorite treat and drools.)
MMmmmm….Brow-nee.
(That Guy looks up and lifts his brownie in a “cheers” motion towards Mystery Girl.)
Thank you, Mystery Girl!
(Mystery Girl half smiles and then looks down at the table.)
MYSTERY GIRL’S HEAD
What was that? How am I supposed to respond to that? That was for me, right? It had to be. Okay, quit analyzing and just look up. Smile back! Look natural!
(That Guy is quickly devouring his brownie. The Female customer finishes her transaction and heads toward the middle table taking the seat with her back to Mystery Girl. Mystery Girl looks up, her eyes widen. )
NO! Foiled by Perfect Hair.
(sing song)
Your head makes a better door than a window!
THAT GUY’S HEAD
(various “mmms” and other eating noises are audible before and after the following line.)
This brownie is worth $1.95.
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